Who am I actually?

Who am I? Who I am? I actually had forgotten. What is it inside of me? Who is it inside of me? I have no Idea. I know I have dream, but those dream are hurting me badly. I make myself go thru those problem, but I can't get solution. I talked to some people, but they just can't change my mind, why? 

I used to be rude, bad temper, f*ck person straight to the face. But now? I chill, I smile, I keep in silence even though I'm angry. It's a good thing I know actually. But, sometimes just hit me back hard.

I used to think mature, but now? I feel like I'm kinda childish sometimes. I don't know why. People used to say, when you grow older, you will feel more lonely. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes, even though I have friends. But, who are the one who really will be there for me? Last time yes, alot; but now, I just can't find one sometimes. 

Someone asked me one thing today, he say:"You are treating your friend well, but did they appreciate? Did they ever did something to you like how you did to them? Is it worth to doing all this things?" Well, honestly, I don't know. I just wan to treat them good. I just wan to stay by their side even though I'm not important to them. All I wan is just they will remember me, someone who treat them good. Stupid right? But, this is just what I wan. Again but, did they really remember me? or they just used to it? I don't know.

Someone asked me something weeks ago, he say:" It's time to think that, are you really into IT course." Honestly, after I'm in IT course, I've forgot that what is the purpose I'm in it. I don't know why am I in IT course. What I wan actually? I say I like IT, but when people ask why you like it, I don't have reason for it. So yea, why am I in IT?

I used to say, don't look down on art class people. They might freak you out one day. And yes, I did it for the first stage, I'm in the second stage now. But I failed. No one actually know I've failed to prove them, just that I feel that I've already failed. I know that I will prove again one day, but I just can't get that strength. I feel hopeless. Start from when I have no idea at all.

I used to promise myself, one day, I will dance solo in a battle. But, already years, I still can't. Is it I'm not enough hardworking? I think so. Sometimes, I just feel like I already lost interest in dancing. Just that I don't want to admit it. But sometimes, I still feel like wan to dance. What I wan actually?

I used to say, I will be popular someday in one way, but now, it's the same, no changes at all.

I feel tired, I don't know what I wan. I used to go back to grandma house which there's no internet but only astro. Every night I will just keep on reading books which can change some of my thinking. But, how long that I didn't go back alone? 3 years? 4 years? around that. It's time for me to chill my mind I know, But I just can't get a chance. What can I do?
 

What can I do? To let me feel better.

What can I do? To let me get myself back?

What can I do? To prove myself I'm still me?

I Don't really know what I'm writing.

Sincerely yours,

Virgo 

"Who is that girl I see? Standing straight, back at me. Why is my reflection someone I don't know?" - Reflection