aSuddenPost.

It's one a.m. in the morning, I was trying to get some sleep and suddenly I can't sleep at all. Took me awhile to realize I should blog after so long.

Night time always makes people moody, am I right? Well, I guess everyone have the same thing. Until midnight, all kinds of shit will come into mind. For me now, was wondering what are the life I'm having now. Diploma student, single and ready to mingle, financial consider ok if I'm not paying the college fees, don't have any commitment. Well, it's quite good maybe, but I just can't get enough. I want more and I want it all. To others, my life in their eyes might be great as I don't have much to worry and I'm only twenty. Some people at my age might think that they still have lots of time to mingle around, but to me, it seems like I'm wasting my time. I want something more and better. In this case, I'd decided to work overseas after my diploma ended. Some people asked me, why don't you continue degree? Well, to me it's a waste of time. I'm not a person who study, I'm in diploma already consider as a miracle. Believe me, if you know me well you should I know I don't study, friends and teachers in school were shock that I'm in college. To be honest, one of the reason I'm in college is to prove to those teachers who look down on me before and I feel great whenever I accidentally met them outside with telling them I'm in college studying IT. The look on their face, damn, makes me happy. Oh, do I mention that I work in a learning center as a part time english teacher? This let their face have a damn big shock too and I'm satisfied with it. But well, the main purpose that I work there is not this. As I say my financial was just ok, that's the reason I work in the center. The pay is good, the time is flexible. What else I should ask for? I appreciate this job very much and thanks my friend who bring me in. It actually changed my life a lot and also improve my english level. Let's back to the overseas topic, some people even ask me whether I can let go the things here. Hmmm... Other than family, there's nothing for me to consider about. Friends? As I always says, what is yours it will be yours. If my decision made me no friends, then those friend are not meant to be my friend. I love them, but for sure I wont not doing my thing because of them. What else I cant let go? There's nothing. Love life? C'mon, life isn't just about love. To me love is useless, I can stay alone. Speaking about love life, I think I would be great without a boyfriend, I more like to me alone. I can go wherever and whomever I like. Isn't it great? To some of you guys maybe not. But I really prefer a life alone. Ya right, overseas topic, people asked me where am I going too. Well, haven't decide yet due to my diploma course not yet end. It's quite hard to decide at the moment, but for sure I'm going out from Malaysia. I don't want to waste any time after diploma. To my friends who cares me a lot, there's one who asked me whether I will forget about her or not. To you my darling, I wont forget you. I promise you with my life. I love you more than anyone could be. Please don't worry about that.

These few days some of the past shit came across my mind very often. I don't know why, but whenever this shit came into my mind, I have a hard time to recover it. Serious hate the feeling of it. I wonder when I cant totally get the shit out of it. Maybe I should get a psychologist, should I? It's ok, I can handle it. It's just need some time. Because of this shit, some part of my life are messy, serious messy. But I can handle it, I believe I can. In a good way or bad, I don't give a flying. It's my life.

Some people say that I'm insane, alright, I admit it. I am insane in my own way. Why do you give a damn when there is no harm to you? Stay out from my way if you don't like me. Judging me is not a good way as this is my life and has nothing to do with you.

Words for some of you, do the things that you like, not the things that you don't like but you should do. It won't make your life any better because you are trapped. Act like a lady think like a man? NO, be yourself, think what you should think of! Even for guys.

Your life is in your hand, you are the one who can change it to better or worse. Don't let the world or the people surrounding you change your thoughts easily. Take it in and filter it but not blindly accept what people said.