I don't know where to begin. But, there's a lot of things in my mind, trying to all together into words. People thinks that college life are full of happiness and enjoyable, but, it's just for those who are quite rich and no worries about their future life. To me, college life are fun, but yet, tiring and stressful. Studies, finance, it's still a big issue for me. Friends around me know that my high school result are actually sucks, I can enter college are also out of their expectation. That's the reason why I had suffer in college. But, like what I've said, I do my best to get what I want, luxury and quality life.
First of all, college life started about 3 months, next month will be sitting for my first sem final exam. I'm quite nervous and worry about it cause my test and quiz mark are low, I hope assignment would help me out and final I can do it at least pass. I don't wanna resit and waste money which my finance are actually lacking. With all these stress, I still live with a happy face which the sad one are hiding. Things just out of my expectation these days, things that I think I can do end up I fail, this situation start from a day which I don't know when. I hate this kind of feeling, it killings me. All I wish is I can pass all of my course subject and no resit. I'm really afraid of it. Now only I feel the important of studies. College ain't playground, but yet, still have to enjoy life. Still stick to my own mind, play time play, study time study. But, I really have to focus more, left one month for me to study for the final. God bless please.
This year, I feel like I keep been ditch by friends. First is precious, second college friends, third club friends. I thought it's me the one who think much all the time, but, precious gives me the feeling that being ditch is the one that strongest. They went everywhere without me and also without asking. I miss the old days which we always hang out together and laugh together even though I don't know those dota thing. Now, they have their own cars, they travel around together without me. It's hurt me so much but I just keep in silence. I wish everything back to old days. I miss them so damn much but they don't know. Other than precious, college friends, the first gang I had in college, just because I had my dumb one beside me every time, and start from don't know when they ditch me whenever break time. Trying to get back with them these days, but I still feel alone when I'm with them. I hope this feeling can go away as fast as possible. I've tired of all these things.
Speaking about club, I've joined the dance club in college. Had the first of my life or I say after years from kindergarden, this was the first time I perform with quite amount of people. Feeling? Quite good but not really good. These days things just not the one I want it. I feel so frustrated.
Day before yesterday afternoon, I took a nap and got a nightmare which is the thing that I afraid the most - cat. The feeling it gave me is cat, but the look is like a death doll. The "cat" walk with two leg and walk toward me, I scream out loud and hoping someone save me but no. I ran to a corner and scream, suddenly, I feel something behind me catch me and I wake up from the dream with the sudden. It feels scary for me. The dream is so clear until now, and the dream still in my mind. What going to happen?
To someone who loves me so much, I'm sorry for everything dummy. I can't give you what you want. I don't know this feeling is love or depending on you. That's why I don't want to commit and don't want to say the word. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for letting you loving me.
Sometimes, I just wish to leave and never come back to this world. May I?
Sincerely yours,
Virgo.
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